Why Does God Says “No”?

No one likes being told “no.”

When we ask for something, it’s usually because we want it.  A “no” prevents us from having that which we want.  “No” is a rebuttal of our ambitions, our hopes, our plans.  When we come up against the obstacle that completely thwarts our best efforts, we get discouraged.  Defeat does not sit easy with us.

It is particularly troubling when the “no” comes from God.  We see Him as this all-powerful Being who can do whatever He sets His mind to do.  When we come to Him with a relatively minor thing for Him but a major thing for us, we expect Him to come through for us, to deliver the goods.

When we have that attitude, we forget that the concept of God as Father is a very accurate description of His relationship with us.  Jesus tells us that we should, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. . . . Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him?” (Matthew 7:7, 9-12).

The Father wants to give good things to His children, but wanting to give us good things should not be interpreted as God turning into our heavenly ATM machine, a heavenly genie, always giving us our hearts’ desires.  Any good parent knows that sometimes you have to tell your child “no.”

So why does God say no?

1. God Has Other Plans

In the pantheon of Christian disciples, few if any stand taller than the apostle Paul.  He was tireless in his ministry of spreading the Gospel to the Gentile world.  Almost everywhere he went, he planted churches, established ministries and discipled countless others on how to live out the faith.  In fact, there are those who believe Paul was so tireless that God sent him to jail periodically just to slow him down in order to write the letters we find in the New Testament.

There are two times in Paul’s life that we know God told him no.  The first is recorded in Acts 16:6-10.  Paul was on his second missionary journey, and was hoping to revisit the churches that had been established as a result of the first missionary journey.  But God had others plans.  Acts 16:6b says that Paul had been “. . . kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia.”  Verse 7 says they tried to enter Bithynia, “. . . but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to.”

Here is Paul, trying to do what he does best, and God is telling him no.  It seems to make no sense, until we read the next few verses.  During the night, God gives Paul a vision and shows him where God wants him to go.  The doors of ministry were closed in Asia because God was opening a door of ministry into Europe.

When David had ascended to the throne of Israel and had established his house, he built a palace.  Shortly after moving into that palace, David was talking with Nathan the prophet.  David wanted to build a temple for God.  Nathan’s initial response was, “Whatever you have in mind, do it, for God is with you” (1 Chronicles 17:2).  That night, God spoke to Nathan, saying: “Go and tell my servant David, ‘This is what the Lord says: You are not the one to build me a house to dwell in’” (2 Chronicles 17:4).  God then goes on to tell David that God will establish the house of David forever, and that one of David’s sons will build the Temple.

God told Paul and David no because God had other plans for both men.

2. God Wants Us to Rely on Him

Another reason God denies us our requests is that it encourages us to trust in Him more.

Paul wrote to the Corinthians that he was given a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment him (cf. 2 Corinthians 12:1-10).  Paul asked God three times to remove the thorn in the flesh, and God denied the request all three times.  God’s reason:  “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

I can imagine Paul as one who was used to getting things done.  According to his testimony to the Philippians, Paul describes himself as “in regard to the Law a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless” (Philippians 3:5b-6).  I can’t see someone being faultless in the law without being someone who was determined to do what he planned to do.

God can use people like that, but God can’t work through people like that.  The person who is used to doing things his or her way has to learn to do things God’s way.  Sometimes the only way to learn that lesson is to become weakened to the point of having to rely solely on God to work through us.

(By the way, there are some people who are quite the opposite.  Instead of thinking they can do it all by themselves, they believe they can’t do anything.  People who are so insecure as to think God can’t use them for anything are as much a hindrance to God’s will as are the proud.  We need to always remember that God can and does use even the most insecure.  Look at Moses at the burning bush experience, for example.)

3. God Wants Us to Ask with the Right Motives

When a person comes to the book of James in the New Testament, that person had better be ready to deal with some rather harsh assessments.  James isn’t one to beat around the bush or to couch his lessons in comforting words.  With James, things are pretty black and white.  Either we’re doing God’s will or we’re not.  If we are, well and good.  If we aren’t, look out.  Look what he has to say about why God sometimes tells us no.

“What causes fights and quarrels among you?  Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?  You want something but don’t get it.  You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want.  You quarrel and fight.  You do not have, because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.  You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God?  Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God” (James 4:1-4).

We are often very good at telling ourselves we want something so we can use it for God’s glory.  “If God will let me win the lottery, I plan on giving at least half of it to the church and other ministries.  I’ll use most of the winnings to do good things in the world.”  “If God will give me a new car, I’ll use it to take elderly people to church and back.”  While we may begin with that idea in mind and even start to put it into practice, the long term usually ends with very different results.  The lottery winnings become a winter house in the South, a summer house in the mountains, new cars, new boat, new clothes.  The new car is used to carry elderly people around until it becomes too much trouble to do so.  We find ourselves using these things for our own selfish desires.

And sometimes our motives seem on the surface to be very valid.  Jesus told His disciples that He was going to Jerusalem where He would be handed over to the authorities and be killed.  When Peter heard this, he told Jesus, “Never, Lord!  This shall never happen to You!” (Matthew 16:22).  Peter’s words are heartfelt.  His love for Jesus meant that Peter would never let harm come to Jesus as long as Peter had a say in the matter.  Isn’t that what loyalty and commitment are all about?

Yet, Jesus’ words are, “Get behind Me, Satan!  You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men” (Matthew 16:23).  Jesus rebuked Peter not because of Peter’s loyalty and concern for Jesus’ safety.  Peter was hearing Jesus with the ears of men, not the heart of God.  Jesus was telling him, the other disciples and us that sometimes what appear to be genuinely good motives are selfish and inconsistent with God’s wishes.

God knows our needs (Matthew 6:32).  He will give us our needs.  When He leads us to a ministry, He will equip us with what we need to be successful.  When we ask in Jesus’ name, we are saying to God is, “I seek to do Your will.  As You work through me, grant me the things I need to be effective in Your ministry.”  Our motives are right, and our request will be granted.

When God tells us “no,” we need to look at why we are asking God for that particular thing in the first place.

CONCLUSION

God is a loving Father who always wants what is best for His children.   Sometimes what is best for us is to hear the word, “No.”  When that happens, our attitude should be one of gratitude and trust, knowing that God has something else in store for us, something that is better, something that is more fitting.

A “no” from God should never be seen as a negative or a rejection.  Instead, it gives us an opportunity to listen and learn from Him, to grow in His grace and wisdom.

© 2017 Glynn Beaty