I had a judge that, while he seemed a decent person, didn’t see eye-to-eye with me on legal matters. I’m more a “spirit of the law” type of person; the judge was a “letter of the law” type. As a result, while I may not have lost a lot of cases with this judge, he certainly ruled in ways that I didn’t always agree with.
In one hearing, I was standing before the judge to answer the question of whether or not I had signed a document indicating I had counseled my client about a matter regarding an agreement in the document and whether I agreed with the document. I told the judge, “Your honor, my answer is yes and no.”
He didn’t appreciate my answer.
I explained to him that the document had two paragraphs regarding whether an attorney is in agreement with the document or not. In the paragraph that said the attorney was in agreement, there was no box to check. There was a box to check, though, if the attorney didn’t agree. I signed the document and didn’t check a paragraph. I explained to the judge that I interpreted the lack of a check box as the document stating that the agreement was the accepted answer; only if an attorney disagreed would they check the box for that particular paragraph.
So, if the question was did I check the paragraph indicating my agreement, then the answer was no. But if my signature on the document indicated I was agreeing with the default paragraph, the answer was yes. Yes and no.
I go through this convoluted story to get to the question, “Is respect earned or is it automatic?” And, based upon what I have read in the Bible, my answer is, yes and no.
What Does the Bible Say about Respect?
The Bible is of two minds when it comes to respect. In one regard, it assigns respectability to individuals, while in the other regard, it talks about earning respect. Let’s look at each verse in the Bible that speaks of respect. Let’s start with the “you must respect” statements.
“Each of you must respect his mother and father, and you must observe My Sabbaths. I am the Lord your God” (Leviticus 19:3).
“Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the Lord” (Leviticus 19:32).
“’A son honors his father and a servant his master. If I am a father, where is the honor due Me? If I am a master, where is the respect due me?’ says the Lord Almighty. ‘It is you, O priests, who show contempt for My name’” (Malachi 1:6a).
“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).
“Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect, and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ” (Ephesians 6:5)
“Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you” (1 Thessalonians 5:12).
“Show proper respect for everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king” (1 Peter 2:17).
“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and so heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers” (1 Peter 3:7).
“But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander” (1 Peter 3:16-17).
These are the verses that indicate respect is not earned but assigned. We are to respect our parents, the elderly, our spouse, those who are over us in positions of authority, the fellow believer, everyone we encounter and, most importantly, we are to respect God.
None of these people have had to “earn” our respect. It is expected of us because of who these people are.
So the first answer to the question, “Do we have to earn respect?” is “no.”
But, the Bible also speaks to us about earning our respect. Here are the verses that support that position.
“A kindhearted woman gains respect, but ruthless men gain only wealth” (Proverbs 11:16).
“Make it your ambition to live a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody” (1 Thessalonians 4:11-12).
We can see here that these two verses speak of the person earning respect, one through her kindheartedness, the other to living a quiet, unobtrusive life of decent labor.
In these regards, “Do we earn our respect?” the answer is “yes.”
What Does It All Mean?
There are certain people who demand our respect if for no other reason than the position they hold. God expects us to respect our parents, our boss, our spouse and our political leaders. Please note that respect doesn’t necessarily mean we have to agree with or even like these people (although we would hope that we love and like our spouse and our parents). We respect the position, if not the person him or herself.
For instance, if we were to be invited to the White House to meet with the president, it is incumbent upon each of us to respect the office, even if we are completely opposed to the person who holds the office. I am reminded of a photo taken during the Obama administration. President Obama had flown to Arizona for an event and was greeted at the airport by the governor of Arizona. President Obama, of course, was a Democrat; the Arizona governor was Republican. There is a photo of her talking with the president on the tarmac of the airport, and she is shown wagging her finger in the president’s face. Her actions were disrespectful of the president, even though she greatly disagreed with his politics. There are plenty of examples of a lack of respect for Donald Trump, as well.
Each president we have had has been treated with great disrespect for as long as I’ve been paying attention to politics, all the way back to Johnson and Nixon. We have lost sight of the fact that, regardless of who sits in the Oval Office, he is our president. We may not have voted for him, and we may not like the way he is representing our nation. We may hate his policies and politics. But as the president, God expects us to respect him. We can discuss our disagreements with civility and respect. As Peter wrote, we can express ourselves gently and respectfully.
Having said that, it is possible for people we are encouraged to respect to lose that respect. The boss who shows clear favoritism, or the overseer who is clearly incompetent. The person who is rude, mean, self-centered or otherwise indicates a distaste or dislike for others around them—this can lead us to lose respect for them as a person.
I have had bosses in my past that I have lost all respect for. Their decisions are based solely on how it will benefit them, with no regard for what is best for the employees. This kind of boss treats his employees as game pieces to be moved around a board, to be used by him for his gain and his purpose. After all, he is the boss. While I treated him with respect and with obedience, I was looking for a way to get away from him, to go to another job. I had no respect for that person.
Conclusion
When it comes to respect, the question may be do we earn it or not. I would say, no, we do not earn it if we are placed in a position of authority, such as a parent, a spouse, a boss or a leader. However, we cannot and must not rest on that laurel. Instead, we are to demonstrate respect in the way we treat others.
It goes back to the Golden Rule. If I want to be respected, I must respect others, even those who are “below” me. If I go to a restaurant, I need to treat the wait staff with respect. If I go to an office, I need to treat the staff with respect.
I know I can lose the respect of others. People look at us and they make decisions about us. If we live respectable lives, we will more than likely be treated with respect. Even if we aren’t treated with respect, that does not excuse us from respecting others, even the disrespectful person. The Golden Rule dictates my actions, not my reactions. If I want to be treated with respect, then it demands that I respect others regardless of how they treat me.
Just because respect comes with the title, respect is also earned or lost, depending on how we treat others and how well we do our jobs.
© 2019 Glynn Beaty