“Love . . . does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud” (1 Corinthians 13:4b).
When God handed down the Ten Commandments, He provided for us a broad guideline that would ensure society could grow and prosper. In order for such a thing to happen, there first had to be a right relationship with God, which was found in the first four commandments—God would reign supreme, God would have no substitute for Him, God would be revered and God would be recognized for what He had done through the celebration of the Sabbath.
Once we had our relationship with God in its proper condition, then we could look at how we related to one another as people. The next six commandments do that, beginning with the family, then extending to those both within and outside the family.
The last of the commandments dealt with the ideas found in 1 Corinthians 13:4b. “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor” (Exodus 20:17).
The funny—or sad—thing is that a lot of our society is built around the ideas of envy, boasting and pride. Advertisers appeal to those ideas when they encourage us to purchase the latest vehicle, house, appliance or gizmo that tells the world “I have arrived.” The idea of keeping up with the Joneses is based upon the concept of envy, bragging and pride.
And such sentiments are directly opposed to the agape love the Bible calls us to live.
Jealousy
When I was about six years old, my mother became pregnant. She sat me down one day and asked me, “Glynn, went the new baby comes, will you be jealous?” Understand, I was the youngest of three children, and my vocabulary was limited. “Jealous” sounded like a nice feeling, the way one should act towards one’s younger siblings. I looked at my mom and answered her, “Yes, I will.”
Imagine my surprise when my mother’s face, rather than conveying how pleased she was with me, carried a startled and somewhat sad look on it. That’s when I thought it best to ask what the word means. She told me that being jealous of the expected baby meant that I would not like him or her, that I would resent the child (Mom didn’t say “resent,” but her other words conveyed the meaning). I quickly reversed my position and told Mom I would not be jealous. Sadly, my mother had a miscarriage and I never got to experience how I truly would have felt.
We become jealous when we believe someone has that which we do not have but that we want. The NIV uses the word “envy.” Jealousy or envy sees someone getting the recognition or praise that we think should be or could be ours, but for circumstances. “I want what she has.” “I deserve what he got.” Resentment is an inevitable part of jealousy.
Resentment, jealousy, envy—none of this has a place in the agape love that is to be present in the life of the believer. The love God expresses in the giving of His Son, the love that Jesus expresses in His obedience to the Father and the willingness to lay down His life at Calvary does not allow for resentment or jealousy. Rather, such love rejoices with others when good things happen to them. Love applauds the talents and recognitions that others get, because true love will always want the best for those we love. Such a love encourages others and rejoices with the good that happens to and for them. Love is secure in its awareness that God blesses all His people, that He “causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous” (Matthew 5:45). So, yes, this love applies not just to those we like, but to those we don’t like, even think of as enemies (cf. Matthew 5:44).
Boasting
Just as patience and kindness are two sides of the same coin, so is boasting similar to envy, only here the action of the person is focused on “look at me; see how much better I am than you.” It is an attitude that tends to build one’s self up at the inevitable expense of others.
I had gone to a church conference in East Texas. I had served on a church staff in the city where we were meeting, and in my present church position, I was no longer in that city. When I got to the meeting, I ran into a fellow pastor who knew me vaguely from when I had served close to him. We greeted one another, and inevitably asked how we were doing. I told him a little about my church and my family. He then proceeded to brag about himself and his church. It wasn’t so much what he said as the way he was saying it. It put me off and I quickly found a way to disentangle myself by seeing someone else I wanted to greet.
The braggart is the kind of person who wants everyone to think highly of him or her, perhaps more highly than they deserve. The undercurrent of the braggart’s words is to suggest we should be envious of that person.
But boasting is not consistent with the love of Christ. I think of the passages in the Sermon on the Mount in the first part of Matthew 6. Jesus gives examples of three actions that seem to be bragging. The person who gives alms in such a way that everyone notices and lauds the giver; the one who stands on the corner and prays a glorious prayer, again so that others will notice and wish they, too, could be so spiritual; and the one who fasts regularly and lets others know they are fasting in order to be praised for their devotion to God. In all three examples, Jesus says that the braggart gets what he wants—the praise of others. In contrast, Jesus says the giver should give in such a way that the left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing; that the pray-er should go to a prayer closet and pray secretly; that the one who fasts should do so in such a way that others won’t notice. In this way, the only one who knows what the devout person is God, and God will reward the fervent prayer, gift and fast.
There is no need to brag in love because to do so is to encourage envy or a since of inferiority in others. How can we build others up if we are too busy building ourselves up at the expense of others? True love, exalting at the joys of everyone, doesn’t feel the need to boast about one’s self.
Pride
The Bible has a lot to say about pride. Just from the book of Proverbs, there’s this:
“To fear the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.”—8:13
“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”—11:2
“Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.”—13:10
“The Lord detests the proud of heart. Be sure of this: they will not go unpunished.”—16:5
“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”—16:18
“Before his downfall a man’s heart is proud, but humility comes before honor.”—18:12
“A man’s pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.”—29:23
Jesus’ words are: “For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted” (Matthew 23:12).
What’s really wrong with pride, though? Aren’t we supposed to take pride in ourselves, in our work, in our accomplishments? Yes, we are. There should be a certain amount of pride in all we do and all we are.
But pride can be misguided; it can also be inflated. The misguided pride comes in identifying with people and things that we really have no right to take pride in. It’s often said we are proud to be Americans. But really, what have most of us done to “be Americans?” We were born here (not by choice, but by God’s grace), most of us never served in the military (those who did can take pride in your service). Many of us vote, and we should take pride in that. But I believe it would be more accurate to say, “I’m grateful to be an American” rather than proud to be American.
Some people take pride in themselves to higher levels than is good for them. Such pride—the pride the Bible speaks against—is one that builds one’s self up and allows one to look down on others. Such a pride enjoys boasting about accomplishments. Such pride likes to look and compare, usually looking with favor upon the prideful person rather than on others. Since the Bible is clear that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (cf. Romans 3:23), no one has the right to stand as superior to others. Followers of Christ certainly have no need to stand with pride against non-believers. Ephesians 2:8-10 makes it very clear that we have nothing to be pride of—our faith is the result of God’s activity, not our own.
The proud person is the one who fails to see the needs of those around him or her, and if they do see the needs, the tendency for the proud is to come to the conclusion that those less fortunate are only there because they weren’t willing to do what it would take to achieve our own accomplishments. Pride cuts into the ability to empathize, the ability to have compassion. Pride leads to judgment and condemnation, negating the opportunities for ministry and outreach.
Pride cannot function in a loving relationship, because pride cannot tolerate others gaining recognition or advancement. The prouder the person, the less able they are to demonstrate the agape love of Christ.
Conclusion
Love does not envy, does not boast and is not proud. Such things are the antithesis of agape love. When we love as Christ loves, then we rejoice in other’s accomplishments, we delight in service and feel no need to toot our own horn. Such love recognizes that all we are and all we have are by the grace and provision of God, and if we must brag, we brag about Him. For He alone is worthy of praise and worship.
© 2019 Glynn Beaty